First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
