my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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