put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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