Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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