I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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