woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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