fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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