After last night, I could never be a politician.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
