I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
