He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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