can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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