I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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