His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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