2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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