I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
