I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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