Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
