guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
