You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
