i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How external is "for external use only"?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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