a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
