based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
