I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
