Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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