So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
