She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
