Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he thought i was a dude.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Barsexuality is the new black.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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