I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
