Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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