belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I puked a lego.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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