Will you blow on my dice?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
