It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I fill condoms, not promises.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
