last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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