No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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