Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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