i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
