I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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