i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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