How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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