So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
