Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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