ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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