Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
