I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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