i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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