You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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