Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
