I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
