Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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