Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
