I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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