During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i've created a new STD.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
