I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
