hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He passed out mid-signature
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
