i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
