Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
