Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Can I color on your dick again?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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