Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your cock deserves a montage
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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