Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
