Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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