i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize