you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
