420 ftw
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
