All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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